A dialog with the world...

So I talked to the world today. No reply. No, wait, I did get a reply. It said through all the voices of united misunderstanding and confusion "What do you want?". Maybe that sarcasm is exactly what I needed back, a slap of reality right on my face.

Ever wondered why is it that you find that everything's alright but then again you find out that is all wrong, twisted sideways, altered through another dimension straight through? I found out today that the thin balance that holds the wrong from the right can be easily tilted to either way. So if you're doing right to someone or something, how is it that it turns wrong somehow? That is because there is no right, and there is no wrong, it's just alll a matter of perspective. In another point of view, there's no exact detail into why do you always push to be your best, and be your best with others, yet you are achieving your worst with yourself, and with others as well.

So in my talk with the world, I realized that there are no pinpointed values, as to what is it that is important in life. To some, getting drunk is exactly the importance in life. To others, it's the simple fact that by leaving a small note or remark in their hearts, or their counscience, it's enough to give an exact value of how important life is.

The world says to me through a billion voices that I'm alone here. Though there might be half of those billion that are behind me supporting me, they still have a mind of their own. AAHH, a mind of their own. Something mostly known as free will, and freedom of choice.

Anyways, to state a point exactly: whatever it is that you do, think of it twice... Give it a mindful thought, as well as a heartfull thought, and you'll find out that though the basic principle is stated, the result differs, cause it's not the same to say "no" or "yes" with the heart, than saying it with the mind.

As the truth might hurt sometimes, is what keeps me based on a reality that I have to face. I dream, but as long as I dream, I'm not awake. But when I'm awake, I barely dream, cause they are too, such differences that divide us humans from the rest of the living species. The utopic reality of being one and whole to one and all, is nothing more than just an elaborated statement, claiming sanity in such saying.

We live alone and die alone, no matter what the united world might say. What's in between it's just a legacy, just a reminder that our rotting bodies coexist with others, tend to decay and die, but in between it's the value of what life really is.

Life is... Whatever you choose wisely to be.

So HELLO WORLD, I'm leaving a legacy, though at the end might be a legacy to one, but at least gives me the warm thought that someone will be sharing the same decision, and though I might alone, my living "in between" will stay with everyone til they cease to live.

Life, spelled out right...

Wow it's been a long while I haven't written anything in here, yet... I don't know, maybe pressure, life itself gives me too much to handle sometimes, and that's how it has been all this time... So much life, so little time.

Here's what has been twirling around my head for days, now I find some little time to write about it:

Ever had a good book in hand, that you read from page one, til the end, yet you felt so emotionally involved in the whole plot, characters, scenes, all so beautiful and so surreal enough that when you reach the last page... You just don't seem to want to close the lid at all? Ever thought that closing the lid meant having a wild resume in your head about it all, breathe the whole experience through, but the fact is, the book has ended, and it's time to go on?

To me, life is a whole, big, half written, half blank book, curiously plotted through different emotions, thoughts, feelings, actions... Chapters. Some of us have a hard lid, some have soft covers, some are just magazines, some are encyclopedias, some are just notebooks filled with gracious poems, others with sad and dramatic lyrics, some are "connect-the-dots", others are "fill in the blanks", even there are those who have their insides outlined, waiting for another to come and color them up in bright, gloomy colors (and I can't imagine anything better than a child coloring it up with crayolas, hehehe).

Either way, we are all filled up with some info, something that gives out the great quality of being humans, the experience of living throughout different steps in your life: from that special It's-not-Santa-but-it's-my-uncle-dressed-up-as-one scene as your uncle turns up at the door, to that puppy running towards you as a special God sent gift, to all those downhill races you made with your best friend riding a BigWheel, a great soccer game turned to victory, or that first kiss giving you butterflies like you never had before; the struggle of surviving as a cool but melodramatic teenager, the first "I am free!" day of your life as you enter college, the first spawn of a true love turned to disaster, spending nights out with your friends, waving goodbye to your true love as he/she walks into the airport gate, breaking hearts crying to each other for one last time, looking at a relative today not knowing that tomorrow it's all gone... It's all so much filled in, though through different perspectives, different views and opinions.

I don't really understand why some people just have their books all torn up and ripped apart, with missing pages, that clearly state the purpose of who they are RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. Me, I keep my pages, I look at them thoroughly, just to be reminded of what's like to be me right now.

Anyways, our book, and those chapters, not indexed except by our own thoughts, is what makes us true humans.

Three months ago, I had a closing chapter in my life, and I write about it so I can finally close the lid on it. It was hard on me, I accept it. I thought I had true love, yet I fell on the facts that true love is only meant for the heart to decide, not the head. And for a while, I thought it was my heart speaking, but it was my stubborn ego not letting go. Perhaps I damaged her, perhaps she did me as well, who knows, only but experience does know. For all the time worth, it was beautiful and I enjoyed every minute, even though there were some minutes that went by so fast like milliseconds, and some as eternal as centuries (thanks Einstein!), but it had to come to a last page, one that I wrote and closed with a happy ending (or at least it was for me).

For a while I went on, not wanting to close that lid, for the fear of... Well, nostalgia. What if I was closing the lid on a book that would have ended "To be continued...", perhaps as a saga, a trilogy, a complete boxset, I don't know. Maybe that last page had been written, just needed some "spell check" by Experience Inc. , and some "proofing" by Closure Assoc., enough to just take a pen and DOT... The end.

Then, another closing chapter, yet this one had just been one whole dramatic sequence, needing to end either way (by fate itself). I closed it, hard to do so, and I know some took more time to close it as well (Rest in peace, A.E.B.K.).

But, life does give you new fresh pages to write on... To keep on writing, there's no ending until death itself takes away the magic ink on your witty pen.

That's where not many of us know exactly what to write (as it happened to me with this blog, to be precise). Eventually it's about letting go of what's been accumulating inside, and exploit it the best way you can.

I am now closing up some books, which I just read the last lines... Beautiful memories, wild adventures, awesome moments, compelling drama scenes, lots of actors, lots of key sequences, and best of it all, wonderful teachings felt deep within. The are going into those shelves in my wonderful library, which you can all just visit at anytime you'd like, I will share with you all every single fairy tale, drama novel, sci-fi comic, poetry mags, comedy notes, anything that my library has, if you care to step up and ask me about it.

My point to this all is, we are all books, we are all gracious figures of good literature, each of us with longer life chapters, some of us who don't even know how to end a story, while others just know how to speed-write incoherently to the end. We all have a story, a memory, a tale, an experience, something that takes us back to those moments (amazing that time doesn't really exist in your head but only in real life, how's that for quantum physics huh?), and give us enough to learn and to understand that the purpose we are here right now is all that was left behind back THERE *pointing behind you*, and the reason to be here is to go THERE *pointing ahead of you*.

You just gotta know where the story ends... Or where does it begin... Again?

Wish you all good fortune on writing best selling hits out of each other's lives. And always remember, be true to your own writings; after all that's what makes you a better man than the person next to you; honesty and loyalty to your heart, mind and spirit, always looking to achieve the best in life.

"Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived it..."

Patrick Stewart in "Star Trek"

Which foot gives the right start?

Hey everyone... It's been a while, a LONG while, so much has happened, happy, sad, good, bad, just about every single flavor in the whole existing emotional rainbow.

Then again while a lot happened, it's time to move on forward right? I'm not gonna go into details of the past, but of a recent event that has happened to me just a few minutes ago...

Has anyone experienced what I would describe as a bump into pure fortune? Perhaps I might have, but one wouldn't know unless it's serendipity (in case you don't know about this word, it's defined as "The gift of making delightful discoveries by pure accident"). And I do beleive it happens sometimes, we're just blind by being unfortunate most of the times, we don't give luck a chance. I mean, who would sit in front of his computer at 1 a.m. in the morning dwelling through the Internet when all of a sudden in one of your messenger systems (MSN or Yahoo in case) someone pops up, by accident or ID misspelling and starts off with you on a nice conversation, probably meant to someone else but fits just right into a dialog you would definitely have with someone, or feel to have with that someone that very moment?

How about being too lost in that misfortune that you don't easily realize that what's happening right there is the medicine to your cures for all the emotional sickness you've been whimpering about for days? I beleive that happens to us every single day of our lives; we don't exactly open our eyes to realize the whole scenario, but just fit the details we like about it, and discard the rest.

So the dialog went on, and it was fun, until she realized she had been talking to the wrong person all along (but to me felt right, get my point?). So she just apologized and closed everything off... BLANK... POOF... dissapeared. Why does that happen? How do make the next move after that? WHICH ONE is the right move anyways? I just went ahead and apologized back (through e-mail) to her for not letting her realize she had been talking to the wrong person since the very first minute.

I don't really expect a reply (though one would wish... why does fun has an end? The answer to this simple riddle is that if it didn't had an end, fun would just be FU... get it?), just being myself makes it all simple, and for the moment's worth I sure did take the whole buck out of its value.

Yet I wish I could just grab the whole buck, instead of just 5 cents, out of every single moment I'd live in my life... that would be interesting, cause then I wouldn't have to trip and fall over and over, I would just know exactly all the schematics to a good life. Grabbing the whole buck, getting your money's worth out of a good time is not that simple: You'd need to digest everything that happens through that moment.

So serendipity this... Did she reply an hour later? Yes she did.

Did I reply back? Gimme your best guess ;) (though by now the answer is simple isn´t it).

I'll share you the real secret of enjoying a good moment: NEVER generate any expectations over it, just let the moment HAPPEN by itself. If you expect, chances are you won't be getting what you've been asking for. Secondly, beware that a good moment has it's troubles either at the beginning or at the very end, while the ripe stuff, perfectly fitting for the moment, is in the middle, the edges are very important: CHOOSE always the right ending, with the right beginning.

And let life happen okay? If you don't, and you let life go by itself through time, chances are... serendipity will barely happen with you.

So, to that person who gave me a right start thought wrong, thank you tonight for letting me grab the whole buck out of our personal conversation! Maybe it all ends here, it all might go on, I don't know. We'll just wait.

I hope I did make the start with the right foot.

Check you all on the flipside!

The longest journey...

Well, back again, trying out my creative writing. I seem to enjoy pretty much what I'm doing at the moment, writting stuff that comes out of my picked out brain.

Tomorrow (actually later today, it's 1 am here) I'm gonna have the oportunity to go to one of the highest places in Guatemala: Tacaná. Ok so it's work duty, but still, leaving that aside, it's a long journey, way off road to a far away place in this beautiful country.

I find myself thinking, how many journeys have I taken really? The ones that fall so deep in your heart that every time you just even drive by a certain scene, or dust off some equipment you used somewhere, reminds you of that special time, which you took a trip to somewhere, and memories just start falling into place. I figured, I've had my dose of journeys in my early life.

They aren't just "journeys" to somewhere specifically, their meaning can be found deeper than just a memory, it lies within the nature of reaching farther, testing your skills and fighting adversity in your finest hour. And what's best is that it doesn't require measuring time, nor distance, nor resources used, it just requires understanding, comprehending deep within you why was that journey made.

In the end, we all have done this one way or the other. Sometimes in the company of a special one, sometimes on our own. I would guess that on our own is where we test what we really are made up of.

As humans we tend to be more nomads, less sedentaries. Why would that be? It's because we try to live with ourselfs in our well settled and restricted environments. But some people aren't just satisfied with that. Some people yearn for the journey, it's in their blood; curious enough, some might look at them as masochists, getting themselves involved in the most difficult situations in any way you might see it. I respect these people more than settled ones, because as they go throughout their journeys, they develop a higher ambition towards different goals to meet. Few make it until the end, others just let their hopes and dreams die as they walk through, many of them looking back and retracing the wrong steps taken to their apparent "doom".

We are left blind by negativity sometimes, specially if by trying to get somewhere you just see a dense fog ahead of you. And this just doesn't happen unless we start regreting all the done deeds in the past. Acceptance is a virtue few acquire as they go forward, obviously looking towards making a change for themselves and their environment.

My life has been a very complicated journey so far, and I've tested many times how far can I reach; I just seem to get stuck most of the time in that fog, not realizing that no one has the skill to look past that fog, though the ones that keep on walking through it understand one thing: They live on the moment wisely, for each step they make they are certain is the right one towards the top of the hill.

That's what clearly divides the success from failure itself. In life, love, friendships, professional issues and business itself, different thick fogs appear before you. You just gotta beleive in yourself in that moment, that it is all possible with faith, and hope of your own self making it to that desired goal. We even do it naturally without realizing that, and so when we look back we can see just downhill, and guess what? You're at the top.

Believe in yourself always, have great humility kept in your soul, accept others and accept yourself through others, forget the fog in front of you, remember the bumps left behind, and keep on a straight walk towards the top of the hill.

The longest journey is still to come, when you see there's more past the sky. The sky is not the limit, the only limit that exists is YOURSELF. So let go of the idea that there's a limit to reaching dreams, and you will see those dreams appear consequently.

So it's time for me to journey into life, I'll let you guys know if I reached the top.

Wish me well!
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PS: Thanks to everyone who has left a comment in my blog, you can't imagine how happy it makes me that I can reach someone with my words and my thoughts. You know who you are, and what you are to me so all I can say is that I thank you lots, it means a lot to me.

Cool Fact!

Post traumatic experiences of self defense while being sick: Uncounsciously we curl up to a fetal position, just "to feel" better... ahh don't you miss being in your mother's tummy? No? Well if you do that, then your subcounscience does miss that at least; It's the mother nature in us giving us protection.

The end is the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning?

My last day of the whole semester, and YES I walked the plank and sank with the fishies, I ran the last quarter mile and couldn't finish at all. Oh well, that's what I was expecting anyways right? At least I do feel proud of myself for taking that last risk, instead of sitting in the middle of nowhere with my arms crossed. Interesting enough, I don't feel discouraged to end my journey here.

See, there are special times in your life where you are given many choices, it's like a whole buffet of post-failure choices, but it's not cooked nor prepared already. So you want an omelette? Here are the eggs, the ham, cheese, whatever you like in it. Or shall I cook it for you? Will it taste better? Or wouldn't you like it to cook it yourself, find out your own taste?

Life is like that. We are given many post-choices either by success or failure. The problem is that not many out there are fit to prepare a self-made omelette of a choice made. Some just take the easy way, contact an expert "chef" to prepare it as close as it would please them. But what if you'd like ketchup or some other condiment in it? No no no, here is the real deal with making your own.

Sometimes we're just not prepared to deal with the post-choices life gives us, but there's no other way around it, life just keeps on going, it doesn't care at all if you catch up and stay up to date, or be left behind with the rest. In the end, growing up no matter what age, it's all about experience: a key word in any road to success.

We all have a certain taste for new experiences, no matter how good nor how dissapointing and bad they are, it all sticks inside that big head of yours. And we learn from that so that we perfect our motives and our strategies to achieve goals. We are stubborn by nature, and sometimes find it hard to take decisions based on our OWN opinions. We are always in that persistent doubt and ask everyone, even the dog "Should I do this or that?". If you suffer from this kind of syndrome, ask the mirror instead, in the end he's the one that has the answer your looking for.

I think it's all better if you do get hands-on with the options you are given, obviously taking the best choice that will enrich you with knowledge, and push you ahead a road to success. Make an omelette yourself, so what if you're not a cook? There's always easy learning, and that is by taking matters in your own hands. Keeping up with the required tasks for the given choices will definitely give you a better taste of your real self, rather than having things done for you. Trial and error, the omelette will taste better each time.

So ask yourself, where do I begin? And where does it end? (I'll give you a clue, it doesn't end, it just gets modified).

Enjoy your omelette, bon appetit!

Comments anyone?

Sorry, I just recently enabled the "Anyone comment" issue, now everyone that comes into this blog can leave their opinions.

Please, do humankind a favor and comment, it will be good for you!

In search of...

Ok, a new day arrives...

I must confess, yesterday I was a bit tired of studying all day I decided to let my mind rest for a while with a good movie, so I went to see "The Day after Tomorrow". I don't know if I should thank the "hour and half" I spent driving around the mall for a parking space, or the fact that it was Sunday and EVERYONE gets together to go to the movies, but I got there LATE, and there was no early shows (at least not til 9:00 pm). So I figured, I might as well catch another movie (these days there aren't many good movies showing, and to my taste, I rather rent a foreign than see some cheap action movie), so there it was: "Something's Gotta Give" starring Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton.

First off, WHAT A GREAT MOVIE! I would definitely recommend it to those who are just full of (and emptied out of) life and love. (life seems to be the subject in matter at the moment huh?). A movie teaching a good lesson, no matter how you see it, it all comes down to that main subject: In a relationship SOMEONE just gotta give.

This is a real issue that just doesn't happen to one person, but to a whole population out there, who have inmense theories about love, and "letting go" and those sappy thoughts about "If you love someone let it go, if it comes back it was yours to keep, if it doesn't, it just wasn't meant to be". Ok, so part of that is true, but what if real true love requires more effort than just sitting with your arms crossed staring at the horizon waiting for anything to happen?

It's a matter of playing your cards right. Destiny does happen, but for those who seek their fortune, not letting fortune come to them. I've had those experiences in the past, and that's why I'm sharing this. You just let go because it's needed, but destiny just comes around once in a while and says "HEY STUPID, I'M HERE COME GET ME!", while you're just goofin around through unimportant issues in your daily life. It's a matter of choice, a matter of dedication, of giving, of reaching higher than expected.

It's funny, sometimes I would have never thought that destiny throughout the years gives out oportunities, it's like a winning lottery. You've got your number, claim your price when the time is right. And it doesn't just comes around once in a lifetime, it comes MANY times in a lifetime, the problem is choosing, and not setting your mind straight over what you really want.

As humans, we are so fooled by our failures, by our deceptions, and mostly about our defects. Our insecurities are based on that, and that is why we sometimes feel that it's not just "the right time" to give in to love. Let me give you the real deal here: THERE IS NO RIGHT TIME IN LIFE. It's just about seeking and taking risks when your number is up. You bet and gamble, and sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. That's the way to really get what's going on in your love life.

So you've got feelings for that person sitting next to you in class? Ask him/her out for good... what's there to lose? Integrity? I rather lose that, than have a guilt trip lasting for a long time. How about while BEING in a relationship: So it all turns to routine, ask yourself what's there to lose, and what's there to risk to actually change that routine for merely a second (worth lasting a lifetime).

I quote The Darkness: "I believe in a thing called love"... So I think I'm not gonna just sit here and wait, I'm gonna build up strategies to find her, or just find her again (who knows, sometimes true love is just around the corner, you just never looked around, eyes wide open to actually SEE IT).

It's about destiny, but also about CHOICE! People, make sure you beleive in your choice, no matter how good or bad it is, as long as it gives you a lesson (and a reward, who wouldn't like that!). Or else consider yourself warned, one word: PROZAC.

In the end, don't be so proud; someone just gotta give in...

I should be a Heineken spokeperson don't you think? Anyways it's the first picture I post so bear with me...
Posted by Hello

On a first note...

Hey everyone, welcome to the REAL taco...

Pretty interesting for this to be my first blog note, actually my first public note EVER on the Net. Usually I keep things to myself, but hey, there's always a time for one to come out with crazy ideas...

Let's start off, topic of the moment:

Ask yourself this, is it cool for a person who just wasted 5 months of his life studying something he's definitely not fit to do to actually give it one last chance in studying, right when it's 10:00 pm, knowing you have just a couple of hours worth of reviewing a whole semester, while you spent the rest of the day figuring "What's life for"? Moralists might say "You dumb idiot (redundant speak), where have you been all day?", some just might think if you're not worth to it, don't waste it anymore, and some will go "Hey, 5 months and you didn't do crap, why waste one more minute knowing it's worthless"?

Okay that's that, battle your whole day/night with it, I'm sticking to the fact that I did bad, but I must give it one last shot, even if it's not meant for me to finish it at all. THAT's what I figured out today.

In all terms possible, life just happens sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't at all. And I'm not writing to discourage, but in fact to give a word of advice; maybe this all seems so wrong and confusing but that's the way life deals the cards. There are people who persevere no matter the battle (they even fight other people's battle), and some people that just know when it's exactly the end of it all. I seem to be in that impassé.

So here I am, 20 minutes past, still writing about what life should be about. But instead, you know what? I'm giving life a living chance, for once letting me run the last quarter mile. I might as well run like a fool, but feeling deep inside that there's no lost cause in the end as long as it gives you all the tools and the knowledge needed to LEARN.

That's a general rule, something they might never teach us in high school, nor college, you don't get a Masters Degree in Life you know? Hell, if it all were that easy.

What's better yet is the whole beauty around it... It's not about giving up, about realizing your failure, but recognizing that for once you did a job, you actually proposed yourself a goal, even if you didn't make it, it's wise to learn about how you drove down that road to Victory Lane, for the next time you will drive with better skills, and maybe then you will reach that checkered line once and for all.

It's great that life DOES give us second chances, we're just too fooled by deception to actually realize it's THERE.

So my dear friends, a word of advice: There's never enough life for us to achieve our dreams, but there's always a chance you might just make it if you keep those dreams ALIVE.

... I must go back to study, see you guys tomorrow!